Having a weird feeling

Three years ago, I was full of faith, hope and love. Then, someone left, my world fell where I could not hold onto. Left with none, I became to pick up the pieces and tried making myself whole. Now, while doing it, people then starting coming into my life, some stayed, some turned their back and some made a huge different.

Made me realize, things would never be the same. Tainted with all the experiences (bad/good). I spent most  of my time alone. Thinking what happenned, what I've missed. Well, we had the best of our life then. 

As a cliche, past is past as most of people would say. 

From then on, I learned to build walls, unbreakable walls. 

It's hard when you really don't wanna give in, when you kept on fighting what your heart need. But we all have sacrifices. Probably, this would be one sacrifice that I would deal with for the rest of my life. 

And beginning to make no sense haha...

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Makes sense

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Hirap

Ang hirap paglahat ay urgent.
Di mo alam kung ano ang uunahin
Sasabog ka na kakaisip kung panu ang gagawin.
Isang araw pa, hawak lang...

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Negatron

This is the usual label when a person becomes pessimistic, lose hope or just bacame negative to all things bright that are beautiful. Lmao.

It's been a month or two and I'm not seeing any changes wirhin me (that is in all aspect). Mind,body and soul is deteriorating  fast...

Begun loosing the purpose of life.

Inhale exhale

Just hold on for one more day.

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ang Bigat...

Over the past days, weeks, months… sobrang bigay ng nararamdaman ko.  Ang daming reasons, ang daming pangyayari, Hindi ko lang alam kung dapat ko bang ipost dito o gaya ng dating ginagawa ko.  Hayaan ko na lang at kinkimin ko na lang (like I always do)

Ewan ko ba, sobrang sakit na talaga ng puso (hindi poi to about love life), sana nga love life na lang para mabilis mabigyan ng solusyon, hindi rin kaibigan, kase ni minsan hindi ako nagka experience ng problema sa kaibigan.

Ang nararamdam ko ay yung mga bagay na hindi kayang sabihin o I express, pero ang totoo ang bigat bigat.  Kung pede lang tumakbo ginawa ko na, kung pede lang I ignore, ginawa ko na, kung pede lang mag evaporate, naglaho n asana ako. Pero hindi, kailangan kong harapin, isipin at tanggapin.

Siguro, kaya lang ako nahihirapan kase I’m doing it on my own, walang katulong at tingin ko walang iintindi.

Like what I’ve been telling to myself every day, hold on for just one day…

Send in the Clowns

It is the end of our first shift and I've been hiding all the pains, troubles and most of being negative in life. Mind, Body and Soul would explode... I don't know what to do...

I just wish that someone somewhere they would be one person who'd understand, listen and help.

From my previous from one of the social network site (not facebook)

Help is one of the hardest thing to ask... No one's available to lend a hand, no one is there to listen...

I feel like giving-up but I won't...

Just one more day as I kept on saying... Just one more day...

How to...

Black as night

This is how I feel right now.

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Sink, unsink

Just woke up and found out that are sink needs de-clogging.

Talked to our landlird abd now, he's working in fixing it now.

Life's irony, when we have issues or problems we always tend to ask for someone to fix it. Haha. I'm just saying.

Ash Wednesdayvto all.

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Run, run, run

Got back to running, a no expense form if sweating and "healthier" life.

Occassional, I run for a little over 2 hours but since I'm getting my momentum again, an hour would be perfect. Lol

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Wish

How I wish you'd feel the way I feel. How I wish I could share my deepest secrets. How I wish I could let my emotions. How I wish I could let my guard down. How I wish I could  be vulnerable with you.

Wish
~ to my anonymous

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Stress

Blah Blah Blah

Three Blahs in my life.... Stressed to talk about it.... Just that I'm having a headache for the past three weeks!!!  Wish this would end, now

January 20-21 (Manila) January 20 (Eastern)

After getting drunk and sing til our heart out, we came into conclusion to take a break at around 5AM Manila, January 20. Then woke up at 6AM to prepare to leave and rest in the privacy of our home (too formal). On our way home, a friend, treated us for a good breakfast meal... I ordered, chicken, friend rice and egg, it tasted average if you'll consider the price, anyhow, thank you Miss for a good breakfast.

Slept for more than 8 hours, woke up at around 7 prepare for work (booohuuu).  Everyone still needs to work to support our need. Well, there are no new things happeningat work, everyday is like Monday, even during holidays, price we have to pay for an above average salary.

By the time its hits 7, I immediately bid farewell to everybody and said, “Let’s call it a day”. 

I have to meet the one person that is important to me, I missed that person, we didn’t spend quality time over the weekend which we usually do for the past 2 months.  Since I’ve been craving for different taste that would satisfy my palette, we decided to eat at Something Fishy. (just be careful with the foods you’re eating, had a bad experience).  Cost is very competitive with good location. 

What’s more important is that I spent my time with the person important to me.  Now I can say, “Happy Tuesday.”

Oppss, forgot to add, my current playlist, Imagine Dragons J cool music…

Off to bed now.

Drunk

Celebrated a new found friend.  When I first met her, I felt no hesitation and felt a warmth welcome.  Done drinking and eating, clean our mess. I washed the dishes (ehem).  Right now, they are chatting and I occasionally butt in if I knew or if I feel that it would not be off... To be continued

My Brain says I"should" but my HEART is screaming for "NOT"

This is my current state

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere I would've followed you. Oh-oh-oh-oh
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...

My week that was... :)

It was intended to be a happy week for me (January 13-19, 2014).

I updated my CV and pass my application online. Yeah, I’m getting bored with my almost 3 years company and I want something new or maybe just going with the flow (most of my office friends are leaving). Over the week, I emailed my resume to different centers, let see if my qualification would meet their expectations (crossing my fingers).  All of my “applications” are for a back office post.

I really enjoyed working in a back-office call center set-up.  Few calls, no AHT (average handling time) and no break schedules, there are many pros for a back-office environment but there are also cons – would have to work with customer for a few months, you’re responsible for all of your customers in a day-to-day basis, you have a lot of boss (for my industry).  It’s just a matter of thinking and sorting things.  We can’t have it all, this is just a state of mind.

Enough of work issues…

There’s been a lot of changes with the “products” I’m using.  From dove deo which I’ve been an advocate for almost a year, changed for Axe Deo just for this month.  I wanted to try something new lol. Perfume from 212 to Aqua, from IOS to Android.  This only proves that the only constant in this world is change.

I’m also dating someone and what struck me is that we’ve been using the world “UNDERSTAND, COPE AND ADOPT”  but only in words.  Not sure what the issue is but I hope we’ll sort things out.  I said my piece my sure how the other party would react.  For all I know these three words would sum up to ACCEPTANCE.  I feel that the other party did not understand when I said Mature Relationship.  Insisted that I’m always right and what’s being told to me is wrong. We have different perspective in life.

Mine is Love yourself first, enjoy and never fail to make other people happy.  That’s why I seldom share my angst, aches in life. A lot have been said and I tried to make-up with it, now I’m still contemplating on the words I heard.  I’ll give it a few days.  Soul searching it is lol.  Just focus with work then.  Anyhow, at the end of the day it is my bread and butter.  If we are meant then something or someone would make ways for us to be in touch. For now, I’ll be silent (which always happens)

First Step

I have been with my current company for a little over 2 years now and it looks like that the position I'm eyeing is far from happening.  I haven't not applied for any post except for (workforce) and up to now there are no post available.   Now, here is my plan B.

Weekend January 11-12 2014

My usual and extra ordinary weekend.

First stop, Adobo Connection - had breakfast at this new cozy all day breakfast meal. Place is cool, who would have thought that there's a food resto in a basement of one of the busiest place in Ortigas plus the warmth feeling and coziness due to relaxing lights and sounds.  Now, for the taste and food, not so good, I was expecting a taste of homemade adobo (like our mother used to cook feeling). Over all, 3 spoons, I guess.

Second, another not for me day. Scheduled an appoinment at DFA and PUP Entrance test.
DFA Passport application is for my older sister.  Would you believe, they have a satellite office at Megamall Bldg C (new to my ears, never thought that Megamall would have a Building C). By the way, my sister is a graduate of BS Secondary Education and she's planning to work abroad as a tutor.  A little disappointed because she haven't landed any jobs for the past 8 months and it's taking a toll on me.  Still being optimistic that her plan would come into reality. One of the major contributor of my stress in life as I may say.
PUP Entrance Test would be for my older niece, another unplanned event in our life. She initially took an entrance test in UP (University of the Philippines) sadly, she did not make the cut.  My sister told me that she wants to apply at PUP so I took the liberty of getting her a schedule for the entrance test.  Now, we are facing how she'd travel for Samar to Manila at a low cost.  I'm feeling she wanted to travel by plane but I could  not afford the airfare.  I told her if it's ok to travel by bus but she responded, "I'm alone uncle."

Third, Me time.
Watched movies using my laptop, updated my music playlist and played DOTA.

These are no-cost, enjoyment that I like the most.  I could watch 3-4 movies in a day, listen to music all day long and play DOTA overnight.  These are few simple things that helps me forget.  Forget that at the end of the day I'm still a sad person.  Sometimes I asked myself, if I've been

a bad son and a sibling.  For all I know, I never gave my mom any headaches when I was studying. I may not be a person son but I know I did my best (at times). People around me depend too much from me, they think I'm a rock, unmovable and tough.  They thought wrong, I'm getting weak everyday.  It's like I'm eroding and all I have left is the state of mind that there is something better waiting for me at the end of all of the event happening in my life.

Life should not be a rocket science, Life should be simple, Life should be lived to the fullest, Life should be lived happy-ever after.  Well, life is really not fair, that's a fact.  Well, just have to live with it (hahahaha). Just laugh at things, laugh till you burst your hearts out.

I'm really a fool for feeling and thinking like this or and I over thinking.  I wish someone would be there to truly understand and would serve as my security blanket,  Someone I could find strength when all I have is the persistence to continue life. My problem is not myself, but the people around me.  I have a stable job, I don't rely to someone but the people around doesn't.  You've given your best but it seems that is not enough.  

I wish that everything would be enough for everyone.  I wish that someday all of us would be happy, content and would not ask for anything else.  

Word for the day:It's better to give than to receive.

Been Up for 20 hours

Nothing runs in my mind as of now... hehehhe

Still thankful for few blessing

• another commendation for a job well-done
  
• able to complete most of my work related issues
• patch things with "you know who"
• great laugh with friends
• did something I like (cooking)
• drink hot tea before sleeping

Enormous blessings if you'll compare it to the not so blessing experiences for the day.

Still, there are questions and thoughts I could not answer or maybe I already knew it just afraid to face what's behind it it....

Think... 

(A two year old piece waiting to be posted) Little Life called ME

In the midst of my craziness, you where there... Always around when i needed someone... We've met when our hearts were broken, decided not to jump into anything and became best buds... Two years passed and we're still buddies... did out of this world stuffs... (Jog from my place to ultra, walked in the middle of the night looking for something to eat... Out of town with no plans, ended sleeping all day and night, fought like cats and dogs most of the time my fault lolz no buts and ifs lamukot lang sa face ok na kami..., eto pa there were girls looking at us while fitting shirts and we hugged and hold hands infront... Biggest laugh after...

Things do happen for a reason, especially over the last weekends (mushy things and a bit of not so me coz am clouded by tons of hopes and hearts - puso talaga)...

Then he said,  Kaw kase eh... let it be... (blah blah blah he whispered) i told him, kaw lang naman talaga ahh... pakain pancit, spaghetti, bibingka, puto, siopao at pinya... Comfort foods ko po... Kaw lang din sundo hatid from school Lolz

He knows me inside & out... People we dated... Things i did for others... Sabi nga ni Red bakit kase di na lang kayo... Eh palagi na lang kayo sad after few months, ayos credentials kayo pa rin, pati pag engr magkasama kyo... weekends kayo pa rin... For sure, dyan na naman si Rjay sa place mo until maging ok yan... Di sya yan pagsomething not planned happened, sinasapian ng kung ano lol, parang lost lang... Advise, pigil at sabayan kumain... Same story different endings na lang kayo lagi...

To cut it short...

Thank you for making me feel special and yes we are "official" (woot wooo)

How To Quit

Life oh life oh life...  One minute you're bursting with happiness then boom, sadness enters.

Wanted to quit smoking but there are a lot of things why I can't... Excuses, excuses excuses, I know right!

Most would say, "Life is short, worry less, live happily."

How can I when I'm surrounded with all the stress in life, this is from my perception.

I think this was a little over 10 years when I heard this from a friend.

"How could I stop smoking when this is the only thing that would never ever leave me, always available when you need one, not expensive and requires no attention.  (Selfish huh!) "

But true, a stick of cigar is like an unconditional love.  Always and readily available when you need on.

I hate this feeling, so age-defying. Hahahaha...

Life oh life...

When you can't hold into something physical, I simply get a stick of Marlboro green, light it and for a few minutes I feel better. Let's see if blogging would help me free my soul (BIG WORD) and remove negativity.

Going On Circles(Ikot-Ikot)

Happiness and Energy

Yesterday was good to me… Everything seems to fall into right places.

Here are the reasons why:

Nine hours of sleep
It helps to have a good sleep, I did! It was a straight nine hours of non-stop sleeping, 10-7 and no waking up. I enjoyed that slumber and who’d you know I did not dream of anything (as far as I can remember).

Proof of having a good sleep c/o Sleep Foundation Organization.


No heavy traffic, going to work is like a breeze. It only took me 15 minutes which is usually 30-45 minutes and someone tried to hit on me (yabang)


One of my customers also commended my hard work and effort to set-up our service. I was also not sp busy at work unlike the past weeks where it felt that everyday is a manic Monday.



Lastly, I feel (present) special.

6:44:49

That was one of the longest call I had... Did not use my 15 minute break and 1 hour lunch. Tiring, I fell asleep and time consuming. Good thing it was a good call... We're able to resolve and provide service to our end customer.

By the way, I'm a callboi for a tech account which offers Business Voice Over Internet Protocol.
What a day it is for me, though still thankful because I have the best job. Well, happy I have something to look forward every 15th and 30th.

Gold

You make me feel like go-old
Show me love like I've never known (oh woah oh)
Baby you make me feel like gold

OOTD

Its Monday again, a new start for work... To be honest, I'm getting bored of the same routine I'm doing for the past 3 years.
Technical work
Client Calls
Meetings
Asshole Team Lead lol

Well, above is my outfit of the day
Checked Polo
Black shirt
Khaki Pants
hanky (I never leave without)
Brown Hi-Cut Shoes
Happy Monday Everyone

Another WANT

Been working for the longest time and not sure how I'm handling my finances. I'm still living from paycheck to paycheck. I have a lot of things going thru my mind and it seems that "purchasing power" seems to be the reason why I can't do things on my own. To be honest, I'm unable to save a lot and below is one of my dilemma (big word, this is a luxury and a want, I know) but who can blame me, we all deserve a little luxury every now and then. I'm planning to have this before the end of the first quarter.

Apple Iphone 5S
Product Description
* Display and size – 4-inch (diagonal) widescreen Multi-Touch display
* Operating System – iOS 7.0.1
* Back Camera – 8 megapixels with 1.5µ pixels
* Secondary camera – Yes, 1.2 MP, 720p@30fps, face detection, FaceTime over Wi-Fi or Cellular.
* Processor – Dual-core 1.3 GHz Cyclone (ARM v8-based),PowerVR G6430 (quad-core graphics)
* Wifi or LTE – LTE
* Storage – 16GB 32GB 64GB
* Colors – Space Gray, White/Silver, Gold

HTC One
Product Description
*Colors: Black, Silver
*1080 x 1920 pixels, 4.7 inches
*Android OS, v4.1.2 (Jelly Bean), upgradable to v4.2.2 (Jelly Bean)
*4 MP, 2688 x 1520 pixels, autofocus, LED flash
*Quad-core 1.7 GHz Krait 300
*Wi-Fi 802.11 a/ac/b/g/n, Wi-Fi Direct, DLNA, Wi-Fi hotspot
*32/64 GB, 2 GB RAM

Price would vary from store to store, cheapest would be available at Kim Store both for Iphone 5S (Php32,080) and HTC One (Php 23,000)

how i wish my fairy godmother would drop these two phones (i wish)

Stocks

We are planning to invest our savings in stocks though still not sure how this works, we are willing to gamble at little of our savings and who knows it might turn positive and make us millionaires (wishing and hoping)

Still contemplating with the in and out of being a stockholder

HOW TO INVEST IN THE PHILIPPINE STOCK MARKET

CITISEC

It seems that CITISEC is a suitable firm/company/adviser in starting with the stock industry, we only need to invest Php5000.00 for starters. Let's see how this thing works

Time to post... Need AIR

Hi Blogspot,

Been a long time since I've visited you :)...

A little over 2 years from my last post.

Well, I decided to keep everything on my own (all of ---ness which we all feel).  Now, I can't contain it, I'm about to burst.  Good thing my blog is unnoticeable.  I'll try to be as mediocre as possible.

What I like about this blog is that there are no right or wrong post, I'm confident to say, this is my blog and you can't take it away from me (still taking into consideration, think before you click :))

Right now, listening to my current playlist

NEEDS

NEEDS TO IMPROVE

Been with training for the part seven days.

Well, here are some of the things I've noticed:

° information being provided are not coherent
°trainer should be more proactive when giving out information
°Trainer should assume that the class doesn't know a thing. There people will always say that they understood everything even if some are unclear and needs to be expounded more.
°We should also consider the people that we are hiring, though we are a local
call center our primary language is english therefore our conversation during training should be english.

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Ramdom Thoughts

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I'm done with my shift for the day.

On may way home I decided to take an alternative route which some might think a not so bright to do. We'll, thought this one is not intendent. I just want some time for myself to ponder about.

Road have a lot of vihecles, a lot of people, polluted area.

Then, I saw the longest public school. And I noticed that there were a lot of students walking on their way to school. Different fashion statement, faces and some you'll feel a bit of loneliness.

Well i belong to that group. Those people whose still looking for an answer.

Answer about their existence.

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